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A New Record: OFHS Relationship Lasts For 6 Minutes

SAINT CHARLES, MO -- Beating the last school record of five minutes, fifty-two seconds by an eight-second margin, two students have defied the odds and shown us that love is stronger than anything today when they kept their relationship together for an astonishing six minutes.

Students witnessing the event could hardly believe it. "They walked down the whole hallway holding hands -- and then they turned around and did it again. People were stopping smack-dab in the middle of the hall just to witness it. It was insane."

Other astonishing details include that the two actually utilized a brand new, revolutionary relationship-lengthening strategy called communication. "Your mom has a weird wart on her nose," one said, to which the other responded, "You're right. I'll take her to the wart doctor tomorrow." Within a minute, the entire conflict was resolved (this was a huge surprise, given the amount of relationships ended this year alone over nose warts -- over 67!). Other quotes include, "Babe, I'm sad," which was met with, "Babe, no, don't be sad."

The relationship, unfortunately, came to an end after one member of the relationship was caught "juuling in schuul". "Disappointed, but not surprised," the other member stated.





Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 2, 2018 at 7:04 AM

    i can relate to this a lot, I came up to a girl and asked her out and she said yes. As soon as we were in the hallway, she looked at a guy slapped me and then walked away and imminently kissed another guy. I got back home got on my ps4 and asked her if she wants to play minecraft and she said no. I need emotional support please help me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMarch 5, 2018 at 6:11 AM

    Grace, you keep misspelling disappointed. Just to let you know

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousMarch 5, 2018 at 6:18 AM

      Oh boy, my bad. Thanks for letting me know, I'll fix it.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousMarch 7, 2018 at 9:25 AM

    You should do an article about how there is dihydrogen monoxide in the water (Dihydrogen monoxide=H2O) along with all our other water problems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousMarch 7, 2018 at 9:30 AM

      You read my mind. I was just about to start working on an article about that, haha. You know that ingesting certain amounts of dihydrogen monoxide can cause suffocating?

      Delete

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