SAINT CHARLES, MO -- Mr. Seideman was reportedly seen laughing and dancing on failed final exams Thursday night, greedily awaiting the next round of exams to come the next day.
"I thrive off suffering," we heard him saying to a certain Mr. Talleur, who was nodding in agreement and joining in on the festivities. "I've figured out a way to turn failed exams into Bitcoin through the black market, and then use those Bitcoin to buy more headbands to wear to school with little to no explanation."
Seideman apparently plans to host a party celebrating the sheer amount of failed exams this year, which has been "unlike any other." Reported guests include Anna Garcia's ghost, who Seideman has also been rumored to employ to haunt students' homes the night before the test as to lessen the amount of sleep they get.
All this after several students took it upon themselves to start a Kickstarter earlier this week to help with his daughter's disease. "We heard she was a tortoise," one says, "and we just wanted to help turn her back into a human."
"The money from the Kickstarter is going into more headbands," Seideman replied when we brought it up. "Soon I can build the shrine."
An estimated 13% of souls sucked away at Orchard Farm High School reportedly go straight to Seideman, who recently also converted those souls to Bitcoin and bought a replica lightsaber for no good reason and spent whatever was left over to pay for his Netflix subscription. "I'm just, like, obsessed with Stranger Things. Oh my god. Winona Ryder is my queen."
This is just one part in our ongoing coverage of the first semester Biomed exam -- dropouts expected throughout the month as students desperately try to get out of this jail they've already been locked into.
"I thrive off suffering," we heard him saying to a certain Mr. Talleur, who was nodding in agreement and joining in on the festivities. "I've figured out a way to turn failed exams into Bitcoin through the black market, and then use those Bitcoin to buy more headbands to wear to school with little to no explanation."
Seideman apparently plans to host a party celebrating the sheer amount of failed exams this year, which has been "unlike any other." Reported guests include Anna Garcia's ghost, who Seideman has also been rumored to employ to haunt students' homes the night before the test as to lessen the amount of sleep they get.
All this after several students took it upon themselves to start a Kickstarter earlier this week to help with his daughter's disease. "We heard she was a tortoise," one says, "and we just wanted to help turn her back into a human."
"The money from the Kickstarter is going into more headbands," Seideman replied when we brought it up. "Soon I can build the shrine."
An estimated 13% of souls sucked away at Orchard Farm High School reportedly go straight to Seideman, who recently also converted those souls to Bitcoin and bought a replica lightsaber for no good reason and spent whatever was left over to pay for his Netflix subscription. "I'm just, like, obsessed with Stranger Things. Oh my god. Winona Ryder is my queen."
This is just one part in our ongoing coverage of the first semester Biomed exam -- dropouts expected throughout the month as students desperately try to get out of this jail they've already been locked into.
this is comedy gold
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