Owner of Satire Website Forgets About Satire Website

Biomed Teacher Laughs, Dances on Failed Final Exams

SAINT CHARLES, MO -- Mr. Seideman was reportedly seen laughing and dancing on failed final exams Thursday night, greedily awaiting the next round of exams to come the next day. "I thrive off suffering," we heard him saying to a certain Mr. Talleur, who was nodding in agreement and joining in on the festivities. "I've figured out a way to turn failed exams into Bitcoin through the black market, and then use those Bitcoin to buy more headbands to wear to school with little to no explanation." Seideman apparently plans to host a party celebrating the sheer amount of failed exams this year, which has been "unlike any other." Reported guests include Anna Garcia's ghost, who Seideman has also been rumored to employ to haunt students' homes the night before the test as to lessen the amount of sleep they get. All this after several students took it upon themselves to start a Kickstarter earlier this week to help with his daughter's disease. ...

Michelle Obama -- "The Cookie Addiction Has Gone Too Far"

SAINT CHARLES, MO -- Michelle Obama herself has reportedly begun to "crack down on the cookie addiction at Orchard Farms High School." A certain Mr. Kolb has been known to bake hot, gooey, delicious cookies every morning, but some students and teachers are beginning to get suspicious. "I am unwavering in my belief that those are crack cookies," one student says. "There's simply no other explanation." Last week, a student was found in hysterics after Kolb sold his last cookie and was unable to supply the student with one. "She was like, on the floor, convulsing or something," a witness reports, "It was disturbing." The school has taken little to no action against the cookies, despite several parents threatening to sue. Finally, the problem caught the attention of former First Lady Michelle Obama, who is an outspoken advocate for children's health issues. "This is a prime example of what we, as a nation, need to be pu...

Arnette Brothers Struggle To Outdo Each Other During Faculty "Secret Santa" Celebration

SAINT CHARLES, MO -- The everlasting feud between the Arnette brothers continues this week as they struggle to outdo each other during the faculty's annual "Secret Santa" celebration, when a glitch in the system gave them both the same person to be "Secret Santas" to. Mr. A. Arnette drew Mr. Hohe from the hat, and somehow, Mr. B. Arnette drew the same. They both thought for at least three days straight, doing nothing but thinking, on what to get them. They needed something thoughtful, yet at the same time superior to the other brother's gift. They had to take full advantage of this mess-up. After those three days, they each went out and purchased the "perfect gift," and anxiously awaited the big reveal that Friday after the students were let out. When the time came, they were both surprised to find that they had bought Hohe the exact same gift. A year-long subscription to Family Life, a popular Amish magazine. Ignoring Hohe's cries of, ...

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