Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from February, 2018

God Forbid: Student Doesn't Want to Go Into STEM Field After College

SAINT CHARLES, MO - Orchard Farm Senior High School is in a state of shock and panic after hearing that one student doesn't want to go into the STEM field after college. The student, who wants to remain anonymous for safety reasons, commented on the matter. "I just don't feel like that's the field for me. I don't like science, I don't like technology, and I failed out of Schneider's class in middle school, so engineering is definitely out... And we don't want to talk about mathematics." The student says that they want to pursue "becoming a teacher", however, upon hearing this, all teachers turned on the student as well. "We don't want any new competition. Some of these students may enter the workforce while we're still working here. We're not gonna risk it." Along with constant taunts concerning the lack of money the student will make, students have also been giving the student a hard time after the student als...

Please Send Suggestions, Pleads Satire News Website Author

SAINT CHARLES, MO -- The owner of this website who shall not be named released a plea today for new article ideas. "Please," she muttered. "Just one idea. Just half an idea. I don't care, just give me something. What do you hate about Orchard Farm? Tell me that. I'll write you a whole essay. Please." In addition, the owner mentioned that she will be opening up spots for others to write articles on the website, as long as they pass inspection by her before being posted. This is all in an effort to revive the dead horse that is the Hawk Gazette. "I should have named it after the predator of the eagle," she said. "I wasn't thinking. That would've been way funnier." All interested in either of the above things mentioned should contact the owner of this website who shall not be named at gshortt@ofr5.com.