SAINT CHARLES, MO -- Last year, we reported on the infamous Kolb cookie epidemic, in which a teacher by the name of Mr. Kolb was found to be selling near-impossible amounts of cookies to students who were showing signs of addiction. Questions were raised about Kolb's cookie-making techniques, and whether he was actually using some sort of hidden drug in the cookies -- could our beloved Kolb be selling us crack cookies , we asked? Alarmed parents rang in by the millions, concerned with the wellbeing of their children. To this day, we still have no plausible evidence that there may be actual crack in the cookies, but we're still on the lookout. Several parents have banned their students from purchasing the cookies, sending at least five students to the hospital with withdrawal symptoms. A new development early this semester came when Mr. Kolb announced he would be stepping down from his teaching position at Orchard Farm to move to Florida. "It's too cold here," ...
