SAINT CHARLES, MO -- Last year, we reported on the infamous Kolb cookie epidemic, in which a teacher by the name of Mr. Kolb was found to be selling near-impossible amounts of cookies to students who were showing signs of addiction. Questions were raised about Kolb's cookie-making techniques, and whether he was actually using some sort of hidden drug in the cookies -- could our beloved Kolb be selling us crack cookies, we asked?
Alarmed parents rang in by the millions, concerned with the wellbeing of their children. To this day, we still have no plausible evidence that there may be actual crack in the cookies, but we're still on the lookout. Several parents have banned their students from purchasing the cookies, sending at least five students to the hospital with withdrawal symptoms.
A new development early this semester came when Mr. Kolb announced he would be stepping down from his teaching position at Orchard Farm to move to Florida. "It's too cold here," he remarked. "I want to move somewhere warm, like Florida. Because I'm old."
Could Kolb be moving truly to escape the bitter cold of eastern Missouri? Or is it something more? We wanted answers.
Five teachers (who will remain anonymous) reported that they personally believe he's simply leaving because of the climate. "You know how old people are," one said. "It's like, you hit 45, and you're cold now. It's rough."
Several students, however, reported that they noticed Kolb was acting strangely before the announcement. "Like he was being chased by someone," one said. "For his crack cookies."
We're still looking for answers. Anyone who believes they have a tip is encouraged to contact Grace Shortt at gshortt@ofr5.com. We will not rest until Kolb gets the justice he deserves.
Alarmed parents rang in by the millions, concerned with the wellbeing of their children. To this day, we still have no plausible evidence that there may be actual crack in the cookies, but we're still on the lookout. Several parents have banned their students from purchasing the cookies, sending at least five students to the hospital with withdrawal symptoms.
A new development early this semester came when Mr. Kolb announced he would be stepping down from his teaching position at Orchard Farm to move to Florida. "It's too cold here," he remarked. "I want to move somewhere warm, like Florida. Because I'm old."
Could Kolb be moving truly to escape the bitter cold of eastern Missouri? Or is it something more? We wanted answers.
Five teachers (who will remain anonymous) reported that they personally believe he's simply leaving because of the climate. "You know how old people are," one said. "It's like, you hit 45, and you're cold now. It's rough."
Several students, however, reported that they noticed Kolb was acting strangely before the announcement. "Like he was being chased by someone," one said. "For his crack cookies."
We're still looking for answers. Anyone who believes they have a tip is encouraged to contact Grace Shortt at gshortt@ofr5.com. We will not rest until Kolb gets the justice he deserves.
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